I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
