Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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