Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
