You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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