Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I want to be your penis for a week.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
