It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
