My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
