so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
