You just made me feel so damn special
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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