He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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