Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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