When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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