What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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