I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
