i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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