Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
