My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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