too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
