Hey man sorry I got all grabby
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
