If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
