I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
