ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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