just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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