loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
