we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
