I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
