he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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