He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
