Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
