Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
