I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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