Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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