There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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