FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize