Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
