A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have demons in me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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