I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
