we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
