Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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