She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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