8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
