For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
