I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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