hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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