chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
