I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
