My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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