My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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