tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
