So drunk its hurt
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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