he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
