she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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