i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
