We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
