can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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