sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
