go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
