i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
