Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
