can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
