the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
