she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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