I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
