Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
