I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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