I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As shirtless as possible
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
