operation have a gay friend backfired
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
